Sunday, December 16, 2012

Thoughts....

Hello, My Friends.....

On Friday night, as the events in Newtown, CT were unfolding, I wrote a blog, which I later deleted.  I'm not sure why, except that this topic of mental/emotional struggles hits me very close to home, and re-reading what I had written made me sad.

 As I thought about this young 'shooter' to whom the media and facebook friends were referring as words such as 'monster', I agreed.  How could he?  And then I began to think about all of the other shootings....one of which happened just days ago in Oregon.  They, the shooters, were ALL very young men.....obviously very disturbed young men.  Monsters?  Yes.  What they've done, I think earns them that title.  BUT....when did that happen?  Wasn't he, at some point in his life, a sweet and innocent little boy?  Someone's son.  And, more importantly, WHY did it happen??

I know a bit about boys with 'issues'.  My boy had some issues. I haven't, in the blog, directly addressed Chad's issues.  But, I think that now may, perhaps be the right time.

 Chad's struggle began when he was in seventh grade.  And it continued.  It continued through counseling, a boot camp, more counseling, boarding school, and yet more counseling.  The juvenile court system was involved, and medications were prescribed, with counseling on a continued basis.  Let me say here that two primary mental health professionals were involved, who I feel are two of the best in the business.  And yet, we couldn't find an answer.  This is not to say that there weren't good times during those three rough years.  There were.  But there were some awfully, awfully painful times.  And watching Chad endure those painful times, as his mother, very nearly killed me.  A mom's supposed to be able to fix things!!  I couldn't fix it.  I didn't even know how to begin to MANAGE it!  I found myself at times wishing that it was a physical illness.....we could go to the doctor and get treatment (though I must tell you that our family doctor was very much on board throughout our journey, stayed with us right through to the end, and is someone who I consider a very dear friend today!)  But, also, and maybe selfishly, if it had been a physical illness, I could have talked about it.  You certainly don't want to go around talking about your kids' mental or emotional problems!  Even when only a handful of people know, you notice how they sometimes look at you differently...not to be unkind, but because they simply don't know what to say. 

Without going into great detail, that's the gist of our situation.  And we know the end result.  I believe that we may have been on the brink of learning more about what was going on with Chad.  We ran out of time.  I, in my heart of hearts, don't believe that Chad could have killed.  He loved people far too much for that.  I don't know if Chad was sure of that, though, and I believe that's a portion of the reason why he made the choice that he did.

I have no idea what the answer is in addressing this illness (it IS an illness) that seems to be attacking our young men's psyches and emotional states.  I KNOW that it's complicated.  But I believe that we MUST address it.  In the blog that I previously wrote, I said that the lives of all of these boys who have killed must be dissected.....almost minute by minute.....to see what led them to resort to such violence.  There MUST be a common thread that would lead to an appropriate diagnosis and a cure.  In the meantime, please say an extra prayer....or ten...for families who struggle with this problem in private, while trying to carry on with life as usual in public.  I know that the thing they desire most is peace for their struggling children and normalcy for their families. 

Love,
Julie