During his 8th grade year and a portion of his 9th grade year, Chad attended a boarding school in Pomfret, CT called The Rectory School. Rectory is one of my most favorite places....partially because it was one of Chad's most favorite places, and partially because it's such a special and wonderful school. Much of the staff actually resides right on campus, and many of them also serve as dorm parents. Just think about that, my friends who are involved in education. These precious people spend each day teaching kids, and many of them return home after that day (which all of us know can be a VERY long day) to supervise those same kids through their afternoon activities, dinner, studying, and bedtime. And then they wake up and do it all over again....every day!!! These are not people who have only chosen to teach; I believe that each staff member must be called and ordained by God to educate children. They focus not only on the reading, writing, and arithmetic portion of education......which, incidentally they do VERY well! They also focus on educating each child to be the best person he/she can be....physically, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as intellectually. I'm telling you.....these 'Rectory Folks', to whom I now refer as my 'Rectory Family', are not just regular people. They are, each one of them, angels. I know that Chad spent some of the happiest days of his life at Rectory, and I don't believe that I'll ever be able to find the words to express how deeply I love each one of those angels who so impacted Chad's life.
Chad maintained friendships with several of his 'Rectory Buddies' and also with some of his teachers and dorm parents. One of his closest friends, Lexy Carey, posted the most beautiful song on Chad's Facebook Wall, and I wanted to share it here with you. When I wrote Lexy to ask her permission, she answered, telling me that Chad had actually sent this song to her only a couple of days before he left us. Knowing that fills me with SO many emotions that I can't name them all. And it also tells me that Rectory and Chad's most special Rectory friends remained in his heart and were as much a part of his life as during the time that he was physically with them. On the day of Chad's funeral, a memorial service was held in the chapel on the Rectory Campus. Lexy wrote and presented an amazing and touching tribute to Chad. I believe she must be an angel, too!
Rectory Family, know that you are and will always be some of the most special people in my life! Sometimes when I'm missing Chad the most, my mind drifts to Pomfret, and I remember the blanket of love that all of you wrapped him in while he was there and suddenly, I feel as though I'm wrapped in that same blanket.....your love travels all the way to Southeast Missouri. I hope that you can feel my love traveling to Connecticut!
Love,
Julie
www.rectoryschool.org
Monday, November 21, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Holidays......
Hey All--
Tomorrow is the first day of 'Holiday Week', and I find that I'm bracing myself as if there were a VERY big guy in front of me, poised to punch me in the stomach! I guess this is the beginning of 'the firsts'. I knew it was coming, and knew that there was no way I could ever be ready. Chad loved Thanksgiving. For most of his life, he was very much a 'family guy', and he especially liked his Grandma's cheesy potatoes and 'that stuff' (because he could never remember what 'dressing' was called). We ate at a restaurant once when Chad was about 8 or 9. He HATED it...said 'eating out is NOT Thanksgiving, and I hope we'll never do this again!' We didn't....and won't.
We initially didn't think that Annie-Laurie would be able to join us for Thanksgiving. The Egg Bowl (big annual football game between Mississippi State and The School Up North----we MS State fans don't say Ole Miss outloud!!!) is on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, so Annie-Laurie will spend her Thanksgiving Break in Starkville at football practice!! So, I'd been racking my brain, thinking of what my parents and I could do for Thanksgiving that wouldn't seem sad. Eating at a restaurant-----definitely NOT an option! I'm so happy that my Aunt Judy and Uncle Bob have graciously invited us to spend Thanksgiving with their family in Mississippi. My Aunt Judy is my mom's youngest sister, and has always felt more like a sister than an aunt to me. She and her family have truly been instrumental in this transition to 'The New Normal'. Annie-Laurie and I stayed with them that first week this past June. Thank goodness, my parents and I will be in a place we've never spent Thanksgiving before, my Aunt Judy, Uncle Bob, and my cousins, Penny and Nicholas will be there, AND Annie-Laurie will be able to drive over from Starkville to join us! I'm hoping for a happy family time, because that's exactly what Chad would want us to do!
I'm beginning to decorate for Christmas a little.....but I'm not going to worry about what the celebration of the day will look like. It'll work out exactly as it should, and hopefully we can continue to happily celebrate the birth of our Savior. After all, Chad lives in His house now!!! And I'm sure Chad's been bugging Him about being 'Head Angel'!!!
I hope that you and your families have the most blessed Thanksgiving! Take the day to tell each member of your family what a difference they've made in your life! :)
Love,
Julie
Tomorrow is the first day of 'Holiday Week', and I find that I'm bracing myself as if there were a VERY big guy in front of me, poised to punch me in the stomach! I guess this is the beginning of 'the firsts'. I knew it was coming, and knew that there was no way I could ever be ready. Chad loved Thanksgiving. For most of his life, he was very much a 'family guy', and he especially liked his Grandma's cheesy potatoes and 'that stuff' (because he could never remember what 'dressing' was called). We ate at a restaurant once when Chad was about 8 or 9. He HATED it...said 'eating out is NOT Thanksgiving, and I hope we'll never do this again!' We didn't....and won't.
We initially didn't think that Annie-Laurie would be able to join us for Thanksgiving. The Egg Bowl (big annual football game between Mississippi State and The School Up North----we MS State fans don't say Ole Miss outloud!!!) is on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, so Annie-Laurie will spend her Thanksgiving Break in Starkville at football practice!! So, I'd been racking my brain, thinking of what my parents and I could do for Thanksgiving that wouldn't seem sad. Eating at a restaurant-----definitely NOT an option! I'm so happy that my Aunt Judy and Uncle Bob have graciously invited us to spend Thanksgiving with their family in Mississippi. My Aunt Judy is my mom's youngest sister, and has always felt more like a sister than an aunt to me. She and her family have truly been instrumental in this transition to 'The New Normal'. Annie-Laurie and I stayed with them that first week this past June. Thank goodness, my parents and I will be in a place we've never spent Thanksgiving before, my Aunt Judy, Uncle Bob, and my cousins, Penny and Nicholas will be there, AND Annie-Laurie will be able to drive over from Starkville to join us! I'm hoping for a happy family time, because that's exactly what Chad would want us to do!
I'm beginning to decorate for Christmas a little.....but I'm not going to worry about what the celebration of the day will look like. It'll work out exactly as it should, and hopefully we can continue to happily celebrate the birth of our Savior. After all, Chad lives in His house now!!! And I'm sure Chad's been bugging Him about being 'Head Angel'!!!
I hope that you and your families have the most blessed Thanksgiving! Take the day to tell each member of your family what a difference they've made in your life! :)
Love,
Julie
Thursday, November 17, 2011
I'll Remember
Hey!
It's been awhile since I've written...1) I've had some internet issues; and 2) I've lacked inspiration. This "New Normal" has been a roller-coaster, as, I know, is life in general. It's, in many ways, difficult to believe that six months ago today was the beginning of the 'forever change' in my family's life. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, and sometimes it seems so remote that I think it must have been a bad dream. The one consistency is that I've noticed that the 'ups' on the roller-coaster aren't nearly as 'up there' as they were when Chad was here....amid all the happy times, there's a sadness that he's not here sharing them with us. I DO continue to feel his presence always, but I miss seeing his face, hearing his giggle, and just experiencing 'him'!
But, UGH!! I don't want this, my first entry in a long while, to be a downer!!! So I have to share a story with you. About three weeks ago, I had made a mad dash into my house, headed from my parents' house to meet Annie-Laurie in Nashville. I'd just run in to grab a couple of things before getting back on the road. As I walked through the middle of the house, I heard music coming from upstairs. I should back up here and tell you that when I first came back to Cape, the alarm would go off in Chad's bedroom. It was constantly 'on' because it never woke Chad up, and each morning I would go into his room to wake him myself, with his alarm blaring, and him sound asleep! So, needless to say, after about the second time I heard the alarm, the clock, radio, EVERYTHING was turned to 'off'!!! So, back to the music. KNOWING I'd turned the thing off, I went upstairs, hearing the music all the way up. When I got to his desk, I began to listen to the words: 'Don't forget to remember me...' It was a song I hadn't heard before. You see, Chad loved music, and especially country music. He would often bring his computer to me so that he could play me a new song that he'd discovered. So here he was, sharing another new one with me! I only listened to a part of the song that day, and told Chad outloud that there was no way in this world that I'd EVER forget to remember him!! It was only last week that I heard the song by Carrie Underwood in its entirity on the radio. Since I didn't recognize the song initially, I didn't know if I'd ever hear the whole thing again, or even know what the song was. But the day I heard it on the radio, I knew immediately that it was 'our song'.
Now, under normal circumstances, Chad would SOOO roll his eyes at me if I ever referred to a song as 'our song' , and I'm sure he'd have been devistated to think that I'd tell the world that we have a song. But I kinda think in this case he won't mind.
Chad....I definitely won't forget to remember!!! Love you!
Mom
It's been awhile since I've written...1) I've had some internet issues; and 2) I've lacked inspiration. This "New Normal" has been a roller-coaster, as, I know, is life in general. It's, in many ways, difficult to believe that six months ago today was the beginning of the 'forever change' in my family's life. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, and sometimes it seems so remote that I think it must have been a bad dream. The one consistency is that I've noticed that the 'ups' on the roller-coaster aren't nearly as 'up there' as they were when Chad was here....amid all the happy times, there's a sadness that he's not here sharing them with us. I DO continue to feel his presence always, but I miss seeing his face, hearing his giggle, and just experiencing 'him'!
But, UGH!! I don't want this, my first entry in a long while, to be a downer!!! So I have to share a story with you. About three weeks ago, I had made a mad dash into my house, headed from my parents' house to meet Annie-Laurie in Nashville. I'd just run in to grab a couple of things before getting back on the road. As I walked through the middle of the house, I heard music coming from upstairs. I should back up here and tell you that when I first came back to Cape, the alarm would go off in Chad's bedroom. It was constantly 'on' because it never woke Chad up, and each morning I would go into his room to wake him myself, with his alarm blaring, and him sound asleep! So, needless to say, after about the second time I heard the alarm, the clock, radio, EVERYTHING was turned to 'off'!!! So, back to the music. KNOWING I'd turned the thing off, I went upstairs, hearing the music all the way up. When I got to his desk, I began to listen to the words: 'Don't forget to remember me...' It was a song I hadn't heard before. You see, Chad loved music, and especially country music. He would often bring his computer to me so that he could play me a new song that he'd discovered. So here he was, sharing another new one with me! I only listened to a part of the song that day, and told Chad outloud that there was no way in this world that I'd EVER forget to remember him!! It was only last week that I heard the song by Carrie Underwood in its entirity on the radio. Since I didn't recognize the song initially, I didn't know if I'd ever hear the whole thing again, or even know what the song was. But the day I heard it on the radio, I knew immediately that it was 'our song'.
Now, under normal circumstances, Chad would SOOO roll his eyes at me if I ever referred to a song as 'our song' , and I'm sure he'd have been devistated to think that I'd tell the world that we have a song. But I kinda think in this case he won't mind.
Chad....I definitely won't forget to remember!!! Love you!
Mom
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Best Things
Wishing for a good evening for all....
I'm having an introspective evening....thinking about life, and what comes after. I've just heard of another angel who got his wings too soon....at least too soon in our way of thinking. We, of course, KNOW that God know's what He's doing, but that doesn't always keep us from questioning. Why are some of us taken so suddenly, while others of us are taken gradually?
"We were made for so much more than the things of this world. Sometimes, we can sense this. We have a feeling that, despite our best efforts, we don't quite belong here, that this is not our final destination. We have deep hungers and thirsts that cannot yet be satisfied. In fact, when we try to make this world our home, our ultimate security and place of comfort, we simply end up feeling disappointed or empty. This is why a great saint of the church was moved to write, 'Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee'". (Taken from the Introduction to the book, The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven by Kevin and Alex Malarkey).
When I read this a few days ago, I thought, "What a perfect description of Chad'. He WAS made for so much more than earth, and I know that he knew that. It's a perfect explanation for the discontentment that he so often felt. I truly believe that Chad was destined for more, and this gives me peace.
As I think further, though, I realize that this quote is a description of all of us! We're ALL meant for more than this! Though some of us are taken to this greater destiny much sooner than we'd like, and others of us are left here to share our long acquired wisdom for years upon years, we're, all of us, meant to achieve a much greater level of living.
I heard someone illustrate death with birth. We leave the comfort of a warm and quiet womb under our mothers' hearts, the only existence that we've known, and enter a world that must seem SO cold and loud and bright to a newborn. Our first reaction is to cry. But as we become accustomed to this world, we certainly are glad that we endured that harsh entry, because life outside of our mothers' bodies becomes a very good thing, for we are free to run, and jump, and play, and form relationships with others!
Death must be just like that. We leave the comfort of life, the only existence that we remember, and enter the unknown. I believe that once we enter into that new life with our Heavenly Father, we have that same feeling that, while life as we know it is very comfortable, our heavenly lives will become such a 'good thing' that we certainly would never wish to go back, for we will be free....in the TRUEST sense.
This thought, too, brings me peace, as I am able to picture Chad in his heavenly home each day....becoming more accustomed to the newness, and feeling quite at home there. I've begun to start my days by thinking, 'I wonder what Chad's up to today?' It's good to know that, while he's not still with us in our earthly lives, he, in fact still IS....and he's doing so well....experiencing the 'good things'....the BEST things!
Life IS so good! But what a blessing to know that there's something SO much better waiting for us....and so many loved ones waiting for us there!
I pray for a peaceful night for all of you. I have some friends that I'd like for you to remember in your prayers tonight. God will know who you mean.
Love to all!
Julie
I'm having an introspective evening....thinking about life, and what comes after. I've just heard of another angel who got his wings too soon....at least too soon in our way of thinking. We, of course, KNOW that God know's what He's doing, but that doesn't always keep us from questioning. Why are some of us taken so suddenly, while others of us are taken gradually?
"We were made for so much more than the things of this world. Sometimes, we can sense this. We have a feeling that, despite our best efforts, we don't quite belong here, that this is not our final destination. We have deep hungers and thirsts that cannot yet be satisfied. In fact, when we try to make this world our home, our ultimate security and place of comfort, we simply end up feeling disappointed or empty. This is why a great saint of the church was moved to write, 'Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee'". (Taken from the Introduction to the book, The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven by Kevin and Alex Malarkey).
When I read this a few days ago, I thought, "What a perfect description of Chad'. He WAS made for so much more than earth, and I know that he knew that. It's a perfect explanation for the discontentment that he so often felt. I truly believe that Chad was destined for more, and this gives me peace.
As I think further, though, I realize that this quote is a description of all of us! We're ALL meant for more than this! Though some of us are taken to this greater destiny much sooner than we'd like, and others of us are left here to share our long acquired wisdom for years upon years, we're, all of us, meant to achieve a much greater level of living.
I heard someone illustrate death with birth. We leave the comfort of a warm and quiet womb under our mothers' hearts, the only existence that we've known, and enter a world that must seem SO cold and loud and bright to a newborn. Our first reaction is to cry. But as we become accustomed to this world, we certainly are glad that we endured that harsh entry, because life outside of our mothers' bodies becomes a very good thing, for we are free to run, and jump, and play, and form relationships with others!
Death must be just like that. We leave the comfort of life, the only existence that we remember, and enter the unknown. I believe that once we enter into that new life with our Heavenly Father, we have that same feeling that, while life as we know it is very comfortable, our heavenly lives will become such a 'good thing' that we certainly would never wish to go back, for we will be free....in the TRUEST sense.
This thought, too, brings me peace, as I am able to picture Chad in his heavenly home each day....becoming more accustomed to the newness, and feeling quite at home there. I've begun to start my days by thinking, 'I wonder what Chad's up to today?' It's good to know that, while he's not still with us in our earthly lives, he, in fact still IS....and he's doing so well....experiencing the 'good things'....the BEST things!
Life IS so good! But what a blessing to know that there's something SO much better waiting for us....and so many loved ones waiting for us there!
I pray for a peaceful night for all of you. I have some friends that I'd like for you to remember in your prayers tonight. God will know who you mean.
Love to all!
Julie
Thursday, September 1, 2011
My Browneyed Girl(s)!
Hello All!!
I'm a proud Mama tonight, so I hope you'll indulge me in a little bragging! Annie-Laurie had her first football game tonight! No....she's not playing! I think I may have already mentioned that she's working as a student trainer for the MS State football team...and I actually saw her on TV tonight! I think she was on for a full couple of seconds! Thank goodness for TiVo! I watched her several times!! I'm sure I've never watched the sidelines more than I've watched a football game, and I couldn't have been prouder if she'd actually been out on the field tackling and scoring! I'm SOOO anxious to watch her live!! MS State DID win, by the way....quite handily!
I returned yesterday from my quick trip to Park Hills for my mom's birthday (she's a Browneyed Girl, too!). I didn't look back before I started writing this, but I'm afraid that I shared her age in a previous blog. I don't think that she's particularly sensitive about her age, but she honestly could easily pass for 15 years younger! I truly hope that I can look almost as young and beautiful as she does when I'm 60!! (She's a few years older than 60, by the way!!) I'm shocked, as are all people who know me best, that I was actually able to keep a secret and pull off the surprise. She was DEFINITELY surprised, and we enjoyed a little party with several of my parents' close friends and one of my friends from high school. It was one of those quick, impromptu things....mostly because I'm a TERRIBLE planner. But I've found that impromptu things are often the most fun....mostly because I AM a TERRIBLE planner!! :)
We intended to go to Saxony's first soccer game on Monday, but I got mixed up about game time. (It HAS been said that I could mess up a one-car parade.....I won't mention names). I'd looked so forward to that game, but I know there will be others, and it actually probably all worked out for the best. The trip to Cape proved to be an emotional day for us, as it was my parents' first trip back there since Chad's funeral. The game may have been a little 'too much'. Things DO so often work out exactly as they're supposed to!
On our way to Cape, we stopped at Saxony High School so that I could hug Chad's sweet girlfriend, Lauren. She had Chad's yearbook, in which there was a tribute page to him. What a very sweet gesture! Whoever was involved in putting that page together did a fantastic job, and we truly are appreciative!!
I want to take a few lines to acknowledge my friend Roy Merideth for the lovely words that he shared in his blog, The Recovering Principal. Each time I re-read them, I'm more and more humbled. My only response is that I've known from the very beginning of this journey that God intends to use this tragedy to reveal his goodness. I'm proud to be a small part of that.
I hope that all of you have had a great week! Remember to give your kids an extra hug!
Love to All!
Julie
P.S. Thanks for indulging me!!
I'm a proud Mama tonight, so I hope you'll indulge me in a little bragging! Annie-Laurie had her first football game tonight! No....she's not playing! I think I may have already mentioned that she's working as a student trainer for the MS State football team...and I actually saw her on TV tonight! I think she was on for a full couple of seconds! Thank goodness for TiVo! I watched her several times!! I'm sure I've never watched the sidelines more than I've watched a football game, and I couldn't have been prouder if she'd actually been out on the field tackling and scoring! I'm SOOO anxious to watch her live!! MS State DID win, by the way....quite handily!
I returned yesterday from my quick trip to Park Hills for my mom's birthday (she's a Browneyed Girl, too!). I didn't look back before I started writing this, but I'm afraid that I shared her age in a previous blog. I don't think that she's particularly sensitive about her age, but she honestly could easily pass for 15 years younger! I truly hope that I can look almost as young and beautiful as she does when I'm 60!! (She's a few years older than 60, by the way!!) I'm shocked, as are all people who know me best, that I was actually able to keep a secret and pull off the surprise. She was DEFINITELY surprised, and we enjoyed a little party with several of my parents' close friends and one of my friends from high school. It was one of those quick, impromptu things....mostly because I'm a TERRIBLE planner. But I've found that impromptu things are often the most fun....mostly because I AM a TERRIBLE planner!! :)
We intended to go to Saxony's first soccer game on Monday, but I got mixed up about game time. (It HAS been said that I could mess up a one-car parade.....I won't mention names). I'd looked so forward to that game, but I know there will be others, and it actually probably all worked out for the best. The trip to Cape proved to be an emotional day for us, as it was my parents' first trip back there since Chad's funeral. The game may have been a little 'too much'. Things DO so often work out exactly as they're supposed to!
On our way to Cape, we stopped at Saxony High School so that I could hug Chad's sweet girlfriend, Lauren. She had Chad's yearbook, in which there was a tribute page to him. What a very sweet gesture! Whoever was involved in putting that page together did a fantastic job, and we truly are appreciative!!
I want to take a few lines to acknowledge my friend Roy Merideth for the lovely words that he shared in his blog, The Recovering Principal. Each time I re-read them, I'm more and more humbled. My only response is that I've known from the very beginning of this journey that God intends to use this tragedy to reveal his goodness. I'm proud to be a small part of that.
I hope that all of you have had a great week! Remember to give your kids an extra hug!
Love to All!
Julie
P.S. Thanks for indulging me!!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Heavy Heart
Good Morning All....
I have a bit of a heavy heart this morning, as I have learned that one of my dearest friends is facing a difficult illness. For many, many years, he's been a source of everything from sound advice to immense laughter in my life. Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. I would also ask that you remember three more of my good friends who are facing losses and battles in their lives.
I'm also feeling QUITE anxious about my adopted Rectory family in CT and the Hamptons in North Carolina. It looks as though Irene's course is set, but I pray that she softens her blow as she approaches the coast!!
After a very busy week spent in many different places, I think that today will be a day of quiet reflection. Life can literally turn on a dime, often with little or no warning. And so often we find that the things that we spend most of our time worrying about matter the least, as we look backward. As I've journeyed into the 'new normal' over these last three months, I've wondered several times, 'How did I get here?', and perhaps more importantly, 'WHY??'. It's the 'why' that seems to perplex me the most....and today I'm especially stuck in the 'why' of it all! God certainly does keep us on our toes! As we travel through the storms....the real ones and the figurative ones.....it's sometimes hard to feel His goodness, but our faith assures us that it's there. People often say, 'God has a plan'....I've said it countless times! I DO believe that God has a plan, but it's hard for me to believe that He PLANS things that frighten us or make us sad. However, I know without a doubt that He often uses those things that frighten us or make us sad to teach us lessons or to reveal His goodness. So, Lord, give us the patience and the resilience to relinquish all of this to You and the faith to find Your goodness when it seems so hidden from us. And please keep all of us safe!
Love to All!
Julie
I have a bit of a heavy heart this morning, as I have learned that one of my dearest friends is facing a difficult illness. For many, many years, he's been a source of everything from sound advice to immense laughter in my life. Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. I would also ask that you remember three more of my good friends who are facing losses and battles in their lives.
I'm also feeling QUITE anxious about my adopted Rectory family in CT and the Hamptons in North Carolina. It looks as though Irene's course is set, but I pray that she softens her blow as she approaches the coast!!
After a very busy week spent in many different places, I think that today will be a day of quiet reflection. Life can literally turn on a dime, often with little or no warning. And so often we find that the things that we spend most of our time worrying about matter the least, as we look backward. As I've journeyed into the 'new normal' over these last three months, I've wondered several times, 'How did I get here?', and perhaps more importantly, 'WHY??'. It's the 'why' that seems to perplex me the most....and today I'm especially stuck in the 'why' of it all! God certainly does keep us on our toes! As we travel through the storms....the real ones and the figurative ones.....it's sometimes hard to feel His goodness, but our faith assures us that it's there. People often say, 'God has a plan'....I've said it countless times! I DO believe that God has a plan, but it's hard for me to believe that He PLANS things that frighten us or make us sad. However, I know without a doubt that He often uses those things that frighten us or make us sad to teach us lessons or to reveal His goodness. So, Lord, give us the patience and the resilience to relinquish all of this to You and the faith to find Your goodness when it seems so hidden from us. And please keep all of us safe!
Love to All!
Julie
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Traveling
Hello to All!
Checking in from a roadtrip out west. I thought that I would be able to use my Nook to blog, but I'm just not quite savvy enough for that, I guess. So, I've had to wait until I could get to a hotel computer that's a little more user-friendly for the technologically challenged!
In the past several days, I've seen some of the most beautiful parts of our wonderful country....some that I'd seen before, but some, also, that were new to me. In just one day, I saw 'amber waves of grain' AND 'purple mountain's majesty'! I've found that life-changing events help us to view EVERYTHING with new eyes. Beautiful things DO seem even more beautiful, but there IS that added 'bitter-sweetness' (a term that seems to be a big part of my vocabulary these days) that I'm seeing sites that I'll never be able to share with Chad. I know I feel his presence there with me....but I miss that giggle!!
I'm concluding this trip with a quick jaunt back to Missouri for my mom's 80th birthday. She has no idea that I'll be there, so shhhhhh....please don't tell her! I looked at the Saxony soccer schedule and discovered that there is a soccer game on the Tuesday that I was scheduled to fly back to AZ, so I've changed my plans so that I can go and watch! I anticipate another 'bitter-sweet' moment as I watch Chad's teammates take the field. While I'll long to see him physically join them out there, I'll know that his spirit is right there with us!
I hope that all are feelings God's presence today!
Love to all,
Julie
Checking in from a roadtrip out west. I thought that I would be able to use my Nook to blog, but I'm just not quite savvy enough for that, I guess. So, I've had to wait until I could get to a hotel computer that's a little more user-friendly for the technologically challenged!
In the past several days, I've seen some of the most beautiful parts of our wonderful country....some that I'd seen before, but some, also, that were new to me. In just one day, I saw 'amber waves of grain' AND 'purple mountain's majesty'! I've found that life-changing events help us to view EVERYTHING with new eyes. Beautiful things DO seem even more beautiful, but there IS that added 'bitter-sweetness' (a term that seems to be a big part of my vocabulary these days) that I'm seeing sites that I'll never be able to share with Chad. I know I feel his presence there with me....but I miss that giggle!!
I'm concluding this trip with a quick jaunt back to Missouri for my mom's 80th birthday. She has no idea that I'll be there, so shhhhhh....please don't tell her! I looked at the Saxony soccer schedule and discovered that there is a soccer game on the Tuesday that I was scheduled to fly back to AZ, so I've changed my plans so that I can go and watch! I anticipate another 'bitter-sweet' moment as I watch Chad's teammates take the field. While I'll long to see him physically join them out there, I'll know that his spirit is right there with us!
I hope that all are feelings God's presence today!
Love to all,
Julie
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The backyard
First, I need to tell you that when I re-read my initial post, I felt terrible that I hadn't mentioned Roxie and Lucky Bird, the other two members of our family. My dear friend, Deena, has taken Roxie to live with her, her two sons, and Maverick, an adorable basset hound (?). My apologies to Maverick, if I've mis-reported his breed. At last report, they were all co-habiting nicely. Roxie has become Deena's prime 'body guard', and I'm happy to say is NOT being a behavior problem!! :) Lucky Bird is living with another dear, dear friend Karen. Karen, along with my friends The Lynns, opened her home to me immediately after the funeral and again during the time that I spent back in Cape. Friendship takes my breath away sometimes!!! Lucky Bird has learned to dance!!
I decided to begin my 'official' posts by sharing my thoughts about going back home for the first time. Shortly after Chad's funeral and celebration, I left Cape Girardeau for awhile. I recently spent a month back there, beginning to get things in order. The anticipation of the trip back was filled with a bitter-sweetness. The 'sweet', as I looked forward to seeing my parents and reconnecting with the friends who were SO vigilantly there for me and my family from the very beginning; and the 'bitter', as I dreaded going back to my house for the first time....specifically, into the backyard where the nightmare began.
My first stop upon arrival in Missouri was, of course, my parents' house, where I discovered the 'love fest' between Dad, Mom, and P.J. that I described in the previous blog. All three looked TERRIFIC to me! My mother had been telling me in phone calls how good P.J. seemed to be for my dad, with their daily walks, etc. However, I found my mom looking younger than ever!! P.J. is decidedly good for BOTH of them! After a couple of days of rest and my mom's amazing cooking, I traveled on to Cape Girardeau.
My first visit to the house was overwhelming. Avoiding the backyard, I entered through the front door to find the house rather stuffy. I began making some phone calls, and, without thinking, walked outside for some fresh air. In the middle of one of the telephone conversations, I realized, 'Here I am in the backyard! And I'm ok!'.... The hurdle had been cleared. Though I wasn't ready to stay in the house full-time at that point, I found myself spending time on the patio upon each of my daily visits to the house. It was during a telephone conversation with one of my dearest friends from high school that I first referenced my feelings about being in the backyard as 'peaceful'. I realized that the horror of entering that back gate and finding Chad that day had dissolved into comfort ...a comfort that I HAD, in fact, entered that back gate and found him. I think that if the circumstances had been such that someone had come to me to tell me what happened, there would have been an emptiness...a missing piece. As it happened, I was there with him...and I know that he knew I was there. So, the very place that I had dreaded going to the most came to be sort of my 'hallowed ground'....a place that will forever be precious to me because, thank God, I was there with him!! And, more importantly, God was there with both of us! What a blessing that I can go on, KNOWING without doubt that, while I'll never understand the 'why' of it all, God was there! God certainly didn't cause it, and I'm quite sure that He disagreed with the decision that Chad made that day, but He never left Chad's side for one second, loving him through it all.
So, the assurance for me is knowing that if I can feel God's presence and goodness during the lowest, most frightening moments of my life, I can be certain, beyond doubt that He's with me (all of us) every second of every day....and He's SO good....ALL the time!!
I hope that we're all having a great day! My thoughts are with my friends at Cape Public Schools, as this is their first day with the kiddos!! Thinking about you always!!
Love,
Julie
I decided to begin my 'official' posts by sharing my thoughts about going back home for the first time. Shortly after Chad's funeral and celebration, I left Cape Girardeau for awhile. I recently spent a month back there, beginning to get things in order. The anticipation of the trip back was filled with a bitter-sweetness. The 'sweet', as I looked forward to seeing my parents and reconnecting with the friends who were SO vigilantly there for me and my family from the very beginning; and the 'bitter', as I dreaded going back to my house for the first time....specifically, into the backyard where the nightmare began.
My first stop upon arrival in Missouri was, of course, my parents' house, where I discovered the 'love fest' between Dad, Mom, and P.J. that I described in the previous blog. All three looked TERRIFIC to me! My mother had been telling me in phone calls how good P.J. seemed to be for my dad, with their daily walks, etc. However, I found my mom looking younger than ever!! P.J. is decidedly good for BOTH of them! After a couple of days of rest and my mom's amazing cooking, I traveled on to Cape Girardeau.
My first visit to the house was overwhelming. Avoiding the backyard, I entered through the front door to find the house rather stuffy. I began making some phone calls, and, without thinking, walked outside for some fresh air. In the middle of one of the telephone conversations, I realized, 'Here I am in the backyard! And I'm ok!'.... The hurdle had been cleared. Though I wasn't ready to stay in the house full-time at that point, I found myself spending time on the patio upon each of my daily visits to the house. It was during a telephone conversation with one of my dearest friends from high school that I first referenced my feelings about being in the backyard as 'peaceful'. I realized that the horror of entering that back gate and finding Chad that day had dissolved into comfort ...a comfort that I HAD, in fact, entered that back gate and found him. I think that if the circumstances had been such that someone had come to me to tell me what happened, there would have been an emptiness...a missing piece. As it happened, I was there with him...and I know that he knew I was there. So, the very place that I had dreaded going to the most came to be sort of my 'hallowed ground'....a place that will forever be precious to me because, thank God, I was there with him!! And, more importantly, God was there with both of us! What a blessing that I can go on, KNOWING without doubt that, while I'll never understand the 'why' of it all, God was there! God certainly didn't cause it, and I'm quite sure that He disagreed with the decision that Chad made that day, but He never left Chad's side for one second, loving him through it all.
So, the assurance for me is knowing that if I can feel God's presence and goodness during the lowest, most frightening moments of my life, I can be certain, beyond doubt that He's with me (all of us) every second of every day....and He's SO good....ALL the time!!
I hope that we're all having a great day! My thoughts are with my friends at Cape Public Schools, as this is their first day with the kiddos!! Thinking about you always!!
Love,
Julie
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I'm Still Here!
Hello to All!
I'm sorry that it's taken me awhile to get this new blog off the ground! Life's been busy...but a GOOD busy!
First, 'thank-you' is SUCH an understatement to express my gratitude for the many expressions of love that my parents, Annie-Laurie and I have recieved (and are continuing to receive) over these past three months! God, through you, is sustaining us, and we are truly surviving this!
Though Chad continues to be in our daily thoughts, life DOES march on. Annie-Laurie is back in her beloved Mississippi being VERY busy and also very happy. She just a couple weeks ago began her 'dream job' as a student trainer in the athletic department at Mississippi State and is loving every minute of it! If you'd have told me a year ago that Annie-Laurie Tipton would be up and ready for ANYTHING at 5 a.m., I'd have said you were crazy!! Her strength and grace through all of this has made me a very proud mom!!
My parents, I'm happy to say, are also doing very well! Our dog, P.J., is staying with them 'temporarily', and it's as though the three of them have always been together!! They're all taking care of each other, and P.J., though quite spoiled already, thinks he's in heaven!! Every time I speak to them on the phone, there's a new 'P.J. Story'! I placed 'temporarily' in quotation marks because I don't believe that I'll ever have the heart to seperate the three of them!
I decided to take a leave of absence from my job for the first semester of the school year, and am resting, relaxing, and continuing to heal in sunny Arizona. Waking up to sunshine EVERY day has been very good for my psyche! And with the low humidity, every day's a good hair day....HUGE bonus!
Cardinals continue to bless me almost daily! Amazingly, I quite often spot one when I'm talking about Chad....as if he's letting me know that he hears me! I truly believe that he does!
I've felt a little meloncholy with the beginning of the school year and soccer season. Those of you who knew Chad know that, while he didn't generally enjoy the academia of school, he DID love the socializing....and the soccer! I know he's SO happy that there's no homework in heaven, but I'm sure he'd leave there for one day just to 'kick around' with the guys! I know his spirit will be on that field for each practice and each game! Have a great season, Crusaders!!
Love to all of you!
Julie
I'm sorry that it's taken me awhile to get this new blog off the ground! Life's been busy...but a GOOD busy!
First, 'thank-you' is SUCH an understatement to express my gratitude for the many expressions of love that my parents, Annie-Laurie and I have recieved (and are continuing to receive) over these past three months! God, through you, is sustaining us, and we are truly surviving this!
Though Chad continues to be in our daily thoughts, life DOES march on. Annie-Laurie is back in her beloved Mississippi being VERY busy and also very happy. She just a couple weeks ago began her 'dream job' as a student trainer in the athletic department at Mississippi State and is loving every minute of it! If you'd have told me a year ago that Annie-Laurie Tipton would be up and ready for ANYTHING at 5 a.m., I'd have said you were crazy!! Her strength and grace through all of this has made me a very proud mom!!
My parents, I'm happy to say, are also doing very well! Our dog, P.J., is staying with them 'temporarily', and it's as though the three of them have always been together!! They're all taking care of each other, and P.J., though quite spoiled already, thinks he's in heaven!! Every time I speak to them on the phone, there's a new 'P.J. Story'! I placed 'temporarily' in quotation marks because I don't believe that I'll ever have the heart to seperate the three of them!
I decided to take a leave of absence from my job for the first semester of the school year, and am resting, relaxing, and continuing to heal in sunny Arizona. Waking up to sunshine EVERY day has been very good for my psyche! And with the low humidity, every day's a good hair day....HUGE bonus!
Cardinals continue to bless me almost daily! Amazingly, I quite often spot one when I'm talking about Chad....as if he's letting me know that he hears me! I truly believe that he does!
I've felt a little meloncholy with the beginning of the school year and soccer season. Those of you who knew Chad know that, while he didn't generally enjoy the academia of school, he DID love the socializing....and the soccer! I know he's SO happy that there's no homework in heaven, but I'm sure he'd leave there for one day just to 'kick around' with the guys! I know his spirit will be on that field for each practice and each game! Have a great season, Crusaders!!
Love to all of you!
Julie
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